The Invisible Woman

A serial novel.

Friday, May 31, 2002

CONFIDENTIAL REPORT

Subject is in her early 60s. Highly intelligent, and highly depressed.

Subject has been under stress since her best friend died of breast cancer a year ago. Subject's ex-husband runs an energy company in California, remarried, and is expecting child. (This investigator is not sure that subject is aware of that last fact.)

Termination, this investigator believes, is imminent.

Tuesday, May 28, 2002

Dear Betty:

You used to make fun of how organized I was. In the end, you said, we're all dead anyway. I would agree with you, but why not leave an organized medicine cabinet, anyway?

When your daughter left me to clean up your house, I found the pills that you must have taken. I wanted to throw them away, but realized that I might need them, someday. Just a couple of them, to ease the pain in my knees, or to make me sleep peacefully.

Charlie never did drugs, didn't drink. Roy was so obsessed with it, he didn't notice the other things that Charlie was hiding.

When you were alive, I couldn't tell you what I'd done to Charlie, what I'd let Roy do to him. It's hard to admit even now. Roy found a letter from a young man in Charlie's wallet. Roy thought he could beat what Charlie was out of him, just like he thinks he can beat this new company into something it's not. Maybe he's right. I didn't stop him then, didn't protect my only son from the fists of my husband. Didn't protect my blood. Thought it was enough to have a man, just the way my mother taught me, Never understanding that you can't really have anybody.

Sunday, May 26, 2002

Dear Betty:

Today I went to Stay Up Late, where Blink greeted me with a hug and a clang: all that metal in her face! She refused to let me pay for my coffee, and told me that she was still working on the secret recipe for a drink she was going to name after you. It made me feel ashamed, knowing what I am planning to do. But I am already going to hell anyway. I knew that as soon as I let Charlie go.

Things would be so different if I knew where he was, even if he still hates me.